


What Dreams May Come

by IAmNotTrisha



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, Healing, Infant Death, it’s fluff but it’s sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:35:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27109606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmNotTrisha/pseuds/IAmNotTrisha
Summary: I’ve had this on my mind a lot the last few weeks. Its something I wish Jamie and Claire would talk more about 🥺After Claire’s dream wakes up Jamie they talk about Faith.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Comments: 12
Kudos: 74





	What Dreams May Come

**Author's Note:**

> Previously titled “Gus bruadar a ’Chreidimh” 
> 
> See end notes.

A piercing scream tore Jamie from his sleep. His body tensed immediately as his brain registered what was happening. 

Claire. 

She was laying next to him curled up like a frightened animal. Still trapped in a restless sleep, she was sweating and her breathing was labored. 

Worry crept into Jamie's thoughts. Sending his mind racing.

_ Was she ill? Did I no’ stoke the fire to keep her warm enough? Is she fevered?  _

He went to lay his hand on her face to check if she was burning. He had hoped his touch would soothe her but instead she screamed again.

“JAMIEEEE!”

A wave of grief washed over him. His worry for her health vanished as he realised he’d heard these screams before. Twenty Four years ago, on a ship as they sailed back to Scotland, away from their shattered lives in France. She’d had this exact dream every night for weeks.

Faith. She was dreaming about Faith.

“Oh Mo chridhe,” he whispered. His throat constricted, his voice thick with emotion.

As she continued to weep and call his name in her sleep his heart broke a little bit more. He couldn't bear it. Carefully he pulled her to him and wrapped his body around her. Protecting her the only way he knew how.

He wanted to wake her but didn’t want to startle her. He stroked her arms softly as he spoke soothing words, switching back and forth between whatever language felt right.

“Sassenach. Mo nighean donn, wake up. Yer dreaming.”

Claire continued to toss and turn in his arms, incoherent sobbs jolting her small frame. 

“Thig air ais thugam mo chridhe” Jamie kissed her tear streaked cheeks. 

As soon as Jamie's lips made contact, Claire seemed to settle. Jamie felt the physical change as she finally woke up. The tension in her muscles vanished and she clung to him, holding on for dear life. 

“Jamie.” She breathed, a brief moment of comfort as she woke finding herself in his arms.

But the more her mind cleared from it’s sleepy fog the more she remembered what she'd been dreaming about. She gripped his now tear soaked shirt and began sobbing softly.

“My baby. Jamie…. _ Our baby. _ ” She barely managed to speak. Her cries were so soft that if she hadn’t been right on top of Jamie he wouldn't have heard her. 

Unable to hold back anymore, Jamie broke then. He began to silently weep as he tightened his hold on her. He wasn’t there for her twenty four years ago when they lost Faith and he was too seasick to hold her on the ship when the dreams first began. But he was here now and he wasn’t letting go.

“Shhh. Shhh. It’s all right. I've got ye. I'll no’ let ye go.” They held each other as they wept, cradling their love and grief for their daughter between them. 

When he thought she’d drifted back into an exhausted sleep Jamie prayed over her. “Dhia, sgiath mo ghràidh. Mo chalman geal. Coimhead thairis air a ’chloinn a rug i. Glèidh i bho fhòirneart agus bho chron. Anns an àite seo agus anns gach àite. Air an oidhche seo agus air gach oidhche.”

  
  
  


Later, once the tears had finally seemed to stop, they lay there clinging to one another silently, neither one ready to break their hold. Finally Jamie spoke, cradling her face in his hands, his voice scratchy and thick.

“Sassenach. Will ye…” he hesitated. Even after twenty four years he felt almost afraid to ask this of her. The last time she’d discussed it with him her hurt and hatred at him was still so fresh in her mind. And rightfully so, he thought.

Claire sensed his hesitation and placed a kiss on the base of his palm, right below the C she’d carved there on the eve of Culloden. It was her silent reassurance for him to continue.

“Will ye… tell me about her again?” His voice broke. Even though he had memorized every word and every detail about Faith that Claire had shared with him all those years ago. 

Claire was struck at his request. Here was her husband, the person she loved most in this world, the man she’d created two beautiful children with, and he was afraid to ask her about his own daughter. 

They’d only ever spoken of Faith aloud a handful of times, one being the day she reunited with him in Edinburgh. It wasn’t that they didn’t think about her, she was on their mind and in their hearts every moment of every day. They carried her with them always.

She sat up to look into his eyes ensuring he only saw love and tenderness there, far from what he must have seen the last time she told him about Faith. But his eyes were closed. 

“Jamie…” she cupped his cheek bringing his face closer to his, urging him to look at her. His eyes looked like the sea during a rain shower. 

“You once told me that the only way we could move past the pain of what happened was to carry it. Together. Do you remember that?”

He nodded, swallowing hard a few times, willing his voice to work. “Aye. I remember.”

Claire grabbed his hand and gripped it, drawing strength from him as she spoke.

“She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. She was so tiny. Even if… If she’d…” Claire couldn’t bring herself to finish.

_ If she had lived. _

Skipping over the painful ‘if” she continued. “You would have been able to hold her in just one hand.” Jamie squeezed her hand as tears freely fell down his face. 

“Her skin was so white, you could see right through it. She looked like a fuzzy little pearl.”

“Hmm. Just like her mam. My ivory skinned lassies.” Jamie hummed as he bent and kissed Claire’s exposed shoulder.

“I didn’t see her eyes but I’d always hoped they were blue like yours.” Claire gave him a sad smile.

“They had that cute little slant that yours have. And her ears stuck out like yours too.” Claire chuckled as she traced her finger along Jamie’s ear peeking out from his red curls. She tucked a few locks back that had fallen in his face.

“She had your hair as well. Even brighter than Bree’s was.” They shared a sorrowful look for their other daughter they couldn’t raise together. Jamie wiped away a tear that slid down Claire’s cheek. 

“Her toes. Poor thing got my toes. I've always hated my crooked little toe. Hers were like mine.” 

“I like your wee toes verra much Sassenach. Just sae long as ye keep ‘em away from me whenever they’re cold as ice.” She swatted his chest lightly.

They laid there in silence for a long moment. Allowing all the could have beens to quietly pass between them.

“She was beautiful, Claire. Just like ye.” He kissed her soundly. Pouring his gratitude and love into it.

“Thank ye. Thank ye for giving me our daughters. Ye’re a strong wee thing. And braver than any soldier I’ve ever known. I’m sae sorry I wasna there for you.” Jamie whispered. 

“Oh my love. But you’re here now. And there’s nothing more I could ask for.” Claire wrapped her arms around him holding him close. 

“I love you”

“And I you.”   
  


The night had slipped by them as they’d spoken about Faith. The sky outside was still dark but the birds and other critters had started to rouse. 

“Do ye want to get started with our day then Sassenach?” Jamie sighed, reluctant to get up just yet.

“Not yet. Would you mind just holding me for a while more?”

“Mo chridhe, there’s nothing I’d rather do.” He placed a kiss in her hair and held her. 

May 13th could do without them. They spent the rest of the day in bed holding each other, loving each other, healing each other. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> “Come back to me my heart.”
> 
> “God, shield my beloved. My white dove. Watch over the children that she bore. Preserve her from violence and from harm. In this place and every place. On this night and on every night.”
> 
> Faith’s birthday is May 12.


End file.
